Wash with like, colors

I'm super-afraid of failing at things. Also super afraid of creating things and people not being at least indifferent to it (assuming that 'dislike' is the negative side  and 'like' is positive, 'indifferent' is the zero-point on my mental continuum of interest).  That said I'll probably never find success in life by creating things.  I make shit for myself and don't show anyone and secretly hope that conversations come up where I can mention it to someone that has already expressed that they might like it. Hell the only reason I've been yammering here is because I figure in all the flotsam of the Web no one will really notice (though if I really feel good after I post I click the share button so the handful of people in my Google Circles get it popped up on the feed they probably forgot about). Anyway, I was thinking about this fantasy I have.  I call it a fantasy because the only way I could bring myself to even attempt it would be if I was...

You know, my life is pretty friggin' great.  I've got a great wife, a kid that has potential (seeing that in text makes it look like a veiled insult...) a few cats that aren't complete nutjobs and a job that pays for all of it.  I really shouldn't have anything to complain about. But I'm gonna complain anyway. You see, I have a routine. I don't like having it interrupted.  I like to eat certain things at certain times and complete certain requisite tasks in a familiar way.  I like the time of day that I commute. I like the rotation of foods in the cafeteria. I like the bed I sleep in: the kinda softer spot where I sleep. So now I'm in a different country with a different climate and a different bed and a different job and different food and different mealtimes and no wife/kid/cats.  But I dealt with it. Built up a new routine. Got my personal funk laid down in the bed and in the room (I know that sounds disgusting, but the point is when I come into my ro...

I'm probably too old for this, but I often find myself wondering "What am I going to do when I grow up?"  I plan to leave my current career path in the early 2020s, but beyond that I have no clue, no plan.  "Make sure I'm doing something that doesn't make me grumble about how much I hate it every morning, doesn't involve me being responsible for other people's output, and doesn't leave me needing a second job or something to get by" doesn't say much. In fact, it sounds like shit. Adults aren't supposed to just 'get by', right? I mean, that's irresponsible.  The kind of stuff that people who get art degrees do or something.  But that's like, exactly what I want.  I want to be a janitor somewhere, or a telephone tech support guy, or a cable/internet installer... something where I don't have people to 'lead' and if I fuck it up it was my own fuckup and I have to fix it.  Something that, when I don't feel...