Wash with like, colors

I'm super-afraid of failing at things. Also super afraid of creating things and people not being at least indifferent to it (assuming that 'dislike' is the negative side  and 'like' is positive, 'indifferent' is the zero-point on my mental continuum of interest).  That said I'll probably never find success in life by creating things.  I make shit for myself and don't show anyone and secretly hope that conversations come up where I can mention it to someone that has already expressed that they might like it. Hell the only reason I've been yammering here is because I figure in all the flotsam of the Web no one will really notice (though if I really feel good after I post I click the share button so the handful of people in my Google Circles get it popped up on the feed they probably forgot about). Anyway, I was thinking about this fantasy I have.  I call it a fantasy because the only way I could bring myself to even attempt it would be if I was...

You know, my life is pretty friggin' great.  I've got a great wife, a kid that has potential (seeing that in text makes it look like a veiled insult...) a few cats that aren't complete nutjobs and a job that pays for all of it.  I really shouldn't have anything to complain about. But I'm gonna complain anyway. You see, I have a routine. I don't like having it interrupted.  I like to eat certain things at certain times and complete certain requisite tasks in a familiar way.  I like the time of day that I commute. I like the rotation of foods in the cafeteria. I like the bed I sleep in: the kinda softer spot where I sleep. So now I'm in a different country with a different climate and a different bed and a different job and different food and different mealtimes and no wife/kid/cats.  But I dealt with it. Built up a new routine. Got my personal funk laid down in the bed and in the room (I know that sounds disgusting, but the point is when I come into my ro...

I'm probably too old for this, but I often find myself wondering "What am I going to do when I grow up?"  I plan to leave my current career path in the early 2020s, but beyond that I have no clue, no plan.  "Make sure I'm doing something that doesn't make me grumble about how much I hate it every morning, doesn't involve me being responsible for other people's output, and doesn't leave me needing a second job or something to get by" doesn't say much. In fact, it sounds like shit. Adults aren't supposed to just 'get by', right? I mean, that's irresponsible.  The kind of stuff that people who get art degrees do or something.  But that's like, exactly what I want.  I want to be a janitor somewhere, or a telephone tech support guy, or a cable/internet installer... something where I don't have people to 'lead' and if I fuck it up it was my own fuckup and I have to fix it.  Something that, when I don't feel...

It's SUNDAY. The last time I posted wast THURSDAY! Apparently I don't have much that I'm driven to say when nothing's gotten me upset.  Noted. So one of the things I'm in to is Shadowrun . I'm not as into it as I once was, but for a good while it was a major portion of my recreation.  I recently came across an apparently unread copy of " Born to Run " by Stephen Kenson, the first of several books covering Kellan Colt and her Adventures in the Big City.  It was pretty good. This is out of what I think of  as the 'second wave' of Shadowrun novels.  It's got a Wizkids copyright of 2005.  That was 10 years ago.  Also, it was like 10 years after I had my first introduction to the setting.  If you are new to the setting, this book makes a pretty good jumping off point.  The character is new to Seattle, so a number of things that she learns actually turn into a nice primer on the setting for a new reader.  It's pretty light and enjoyable, ...

OMG it's Thursday. I actually have nothing to whine about.  I kinda feel like something's wrong.  I'd be super excited if I was in a different timezone where I'd come home and it was already Patchmas, but I've got to wait a few hours and by then it's too late to really take advantage of it. Instead of complaining, I'll talk about a thing I'm trying to do. Have you ever heard of the Children's Miracle Network ? How about Extra-Life ? Twitch ?  I've signed up with Extra-Life to participate in their fundraising for the Children's Miracle Network and I have a Twitch stream to show my gaming on I guess.  My goal is $200, and regardless of whether I get it ahead of time I'll still be abusing myself for awhile to make a 24 hour stream of me playing something(s).  If you're interested, you can find my Twitch  stream AND my Extra-life page by searching for JayMitsuru or following those last two links.  The Twitch stream will be dead most ...

Another day more crap.  or something. I guess it's possible for a day to pass without anything significant to gripe about, but if at any point you encounter what they call "The News" you'll have something to gripe about regardless of whether or not you really thought you were paying attention. It gets kind of frustrating being in the space in between "Computers have always been a thing" and "We wouldn't even be talking about Hilary's emails if we'd just go back to paper".   At no point in my life (for the parts that I could've used one at least) was I without a computer. I used to joke that when I was born the afterbirth was an RF switch  <vintagecomputing.com>.  Despite that, I don't think I got on the internet for the first time until 1997, and then it was only occasional.  I never used myspace, missed the Napster thing entirely, and I was making and using mixtapes until I bought my first MP3 player in 2003.  Regardles...